The below comment/question was posted to my latest blog entitled More Consistency & Lessons on Love
Thank u for your post. I live in ca and have been married for 7 years and me n my hubby also have spats that can be totally avoided. I was interested in reading Marks review until I read all the mixed reviews. I stumbled onto this page from your husbands page. I heard him on the radio last week. I was just wondering about gay marriage we had prop 8 here in ca and it just bothers me that people think I hate gay people because I do not support them getting married. What is ur take seeing as you work so closely in the community? I am just looking for answers and it seems every one is afraid to speak out against it because they are viewed as bigots ?
Here are my thoughts:
First, I want to say that I am not going to reveal my personal thoughts on Gay marriage. I believe that because we live in a country that allows for freedom of speech, thought, and religion it is vital that each of us take the time to formulate our own thoughts on issues based on free will not influence by others or entities (I include religious institutions in entities). As a U.S. citizen and Christian I feel I need to be cognizant with my choices as it relates to certain issues, policies, and political outcomes. I do not shy away from how I would vote and have supported varying efforts with regards to Gay marriage (you may infer what you wish from that statement).
Second, I think it is vital that as you decide how to move forward in your support or lack of support for Gay marriage you consider three different areas when assessing how to vote.
The first, looking through your "moral" lens. The lens which has dictated your ethical, right or wrong, and/or standards for life. As a Christian there are a variety of lenses one may use as the compass for this "moral" lens depending on where you fall on the spectrum from progressive to conservative. Unfortunately, I believe this lens has become bigger then it should be and has clouded some of our judgement in making appropriate decisions with regards to voting and/or supporting. As a check and balance we need to also be aware of other factors which affect the way we do vote on other issues or the way in which we should vote for all issues. Your "moral" lens can only be determined by you as an individual and there is no right or wrong answer primarily with where you decide your individual convictions are with regards to this lens. (Please understand I am speaking from a western perspective to a question asked by a U.S. citizen. I would have a much different thought process with regards to what is happening around the world like in Uganda)
This then leads me and us to the other two areas which I feel we need to look at when voting for and/or supporting what is deemed contentious areas.
Second, it is important to look at the legal aspect. Since we are speaking about Gay marriage it is important that we ask ourselves if two Adult U.S. citizens have the same legal rights whether that person is Gay or Straight. There are a number of rights and privileges which have been granted to "married" couples in this country. We need to ask ourselves do we feel it is legally right or wrong to limit the access to these rights and privileges based on sexuality.
Third, we need to assess Gay marriage through a lens of Human Rights. You need to ask yourself does an Adult who is a U.S. citizen have the same rights to live, marry, and love another consenting Adult of their choosing. Should they be given the same choice to enter into a marriage contract as do each heterosexual adult. Lets face it the concept of marriage as it is represented with in modern society and as it is viewed by our federal and state governments is simply a binding contract.
These three lenses are how I try to look at each issue.
However, I will say that because we have freedom of religion in this country I do believe that if/when Gay marriage is legalized that churches, denomination, and religious institutions should be able to determine their individual stances on how they will choose to proceed with their individual bi-laws as it relates to Gay marriage. I do believe that religious institutions should be able and have the right to determine that performing a Gay marriage ceremony is not in alignment with their interpretation of scripture, but in the same breathe I do believe all religious institutions need to recognize and work with an existing Gay couple and perhaps one day a Gay married couple.
Just as in the debate over providing insurance coverage for contraception and abortion, I am a huge advocate for women's rights and do believe there are still many inequalities for women. I do not believe we should force certain people groups, institutions, and religious groups to have to provide something they believe is not in alignment with their belief system whether or not I agree.
In this pluralistic society and possibly post-Christian nation we need to understand what is our Kingdom purpose in loving people as Jesus loved and making sure that all of God's children know they are loved and lovable.
Kurt Cameron has been in the news lately for his comments. I have not seen the interview so I do not believe that I can review what was said. However, I did see a brief clip of the conversation where he talked about Adam and Eve as being the first "married" couple. I believe he said something to the effect of marriage being almost as old as dirt. I do not agree with his statement. I do not believe that "marriage" was why Adam and Eve were created. In fact, I think the only thing we could say is older then dirt is the concept of partnership. We can not presume to understand or even imagine what God's divine purpose was for the two people in the Garden of Eden because it got screwed up before anything could even happen or at least be recorded in scripture. Many scholars even have different views on whether or not we could even call Adam and Eve male and female by our current human definitions (but I digress). If we are to take marriage from biblical times, then we as women especially, would be incredible disappointed in the relationship we would be forced to be a part. Marriage as we understand it is a very modern day concept which has been twisted, changed, evolved, and modernized to fit our current time period...
Perhaps you are frustrated with my answer, but I think it is very important that each of us step back and truly think through our thoughts and positions. No, I do not think you are a bigot if you disagree because disagreements are what helps us as a people grow and stretch, but you do need to be willing to grow and stretch. You need to be willing to take the time to look into the issues at hand. Learn about it from all perspectives not just the one that has been thrust upon you from one side or the other. You need to ask yourself where you fall within the three different lenses and what will help you establish kingdom here on earth.
- A perfectly tarnished child of God
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
More consistancy & Lessons on Love
In my attempt to find my voice again I am going to try and write more on this blog. Hopefully that helps those who are curious about my thoughts, feelings and experiences will visit on a more consistent basis because I am writing on a more consistent basis. I believe I made this promise before and failed, but here we go again... Ready set share :)
As Andrew and I approach our five year wedding anniversary we have begun to reflect over the last years together. There have been a lot of challenges, some amazing experiences and there are some really cool events coming up in our future.
However this five year anniversary, has been a really cool mile stone marker to take a look at our marriage and the partnership which we have truly enjoyed (and sometimes really disliked). Since the release of Mark Driscoll and his wife's book on marriage there seems to be a lot of discussion about marriage and relationships. I must preface that I have not read Mark's book on marriage so this will not be a review. I have read some reviews but don't really care to pick up his book. Mark and his wife and I don't really see eye to eye on most of their feelings about life and scripture so it would not be a book or a voice that would ever speak to me. But this is no judgement if that book did speak to you or was helpful... it has only inspired me to write and share a bit on this subject at least in the experience thus far within my life and relationship...
One of the biggest lessons that I am learning in marriage is that we love differently. The way we show love and the way we give love is very different. It has at times been the contention in our relationship and the prolonging of some major fights which probably would have ended much faster if Andrew and I saw the world exactly the same. However, it has also been one of the biggest way in which we have grown together and has stretched our ability to feel for others and interact more holistically within our world.
We are complete opposites and I believe that was one of the major aspects that attracted me to Andrew and of course Andrew to I. I saw in him some the characteristics that I either wished I possessed or wished I could improve on. In the same breathe these characteristics are also the most foreign to me and the ones which get under my skin the most. So yes in this very twisted life of relationships I love and hate the same things about Andrew...
I am learning how important it is to extend myself a bit and make myself a bit uncomfortable in order to meet the needs of Andrew. Because I love him that much I am willing to move beyond what I know, desire, and expect to meet him at a place which he feels safe and loved. Of course Andrew is learning to do the same.
Its not easy, but so worth it. Yes, we all love differently, but its not a wrong way to love. We just need to respect, learn, and evolve in the way we love together.
- A perfectly tarnished child of God
As Andrew and I approach our five year wedding anniversary we have begun to reflect over the last years together. There have been a lot of challenges, some amazing experiences and there are some really cool events coming up in our future.
However this five year anniversary, has been a really cool mile stone marker to take a look at our marriage and the partnership which we have truly enjoyed (and sometimes really disliked). Since the release of Mark Driscoll and his wife's book on marriage there seems to be a lot of discussion about marriage and relationships. I must preface that I have not read Mark's book on marriage so this will not be a review. I have read some reviews but don't really care to pick up his book. Mark and his wife and I don't really see eye to eye on most of their feelings about life and scripture so it would not be a book or a voice that would ever speak to me. But this is no judgement if that book did speak to you or was helpful... it has only inspired me to write and share a bit on this subject at least in the experience thus far within my life and relationship...
One of the biggest lessons that I am learning in marriage is that we love differently. The way we show love and the way we give love is very different. It has at times been the contention in our relationship and the prolonging of some major fights which probably would have ended much faster if Andrew and I saw the world exactly the same. However, it has also been one of the biggest way in which we have grown together and has stretched our ability to feel for others and interact more holistically within our world.
We are complete opposites and I believe that was one of the major aspects that attracted me to Andrew and of course Andrew to I. I saw in him some the characteristics that I either wished I possessed or wished I could improve on. In the same breathe these characteristics are also the most foreign to me and the ones which get under my skin the most. So yes in this very twisted life of relationships I love and hate the same things about Andrew...
I am learning how important it is to extend myself a bit and make myself a bit uncomfortable in order to meet the needs of Andrew. Because I love him that much I am willing to move beyond what I know, desire, and expect to meet him at a place which he feels safe and loved. Of course Andrew is learning to do the same.
Its not easy, but so worth it. Yes, we all love differently, but its not a wrong way to love. We just need to respect, learn, and evolve in the way we love together.
- A perfectly tarnished child of God
Monday, February 27, 2012
When I laid the first brick in my "safety" wall
It has been quite awhile since I posted on my blog. I haven't had words or the ability to share for the last few months. 2011 was an incredibly difficult year for me personally. As many of you have read my posts know (but for those that this may be the first) I was laid off at Christmas in 2010 and we had three failed IVF attempts from 2009 to 2010 which sent me spiraling into what I am able to truly now label a deep depression. I no longer had the capacity in my mind to be able to function, feel, communicate, and interact with the world around me.
To be honest with myself and each of you I have very little memory of what even occurred this past year. I was completely numb in fact I really could only feel the physical effects of my depression in the form of my skin hurting when people tried to reach out and comfort me through touch or feeling ill, tired, and heavy everyday. However, even with these physical responses I was either too terrified or too overwhelmed to allow myself to feel any deep emotion. I convinced myself that if I stayed in this numb space I would be able to have some control over what was happening, but in reality I had lost all control and in the meantime had lost all understanding of what was happening to me that an entire year passed with out me even realizing.
Around December as Christmas began to become even more present I started to come out of my "fog" and I sought help for what was happening. In a brief moment of clarity which I can only give to God's grace I realized that I had slipped into a deep dark hole and if I didn't take a step forward I would potentially continue to fall deeper into the abyss of what was my inner self; my numbness; my protective walled off box.
I entitled this post realizing when I laid my first brick on my "safety" wall because at 31 I realized that even before my depression I had created this incredibly high and thick wall that surrounded my inner most feelings. Not only did it not let me feel completely, but it purposefully kept me distant from others. At first glance I would tell you that my wall was a protection and I was proud of it. It, according to my own self, kept me grounded so that I could navigate life more precisely and realistically. However, as I hit my rock bottom I realized that the wall was a coping mechanism which allowed me to deflect and run away from anything which was real in regards to my feelings.
I didn't know how to laugh and love with everything in my soul nor did I know how to grieve and feel sad with all the emotions and feelings which were warranted in a particular moment. Something in me told me that if I ever allowed myself to go to these "high" and/or "low" points of emotion I would loose control and not be able to return... return from what, I don't know, but my wall had internally convinced me that it was there for my protection and together we (myself and the wall) were going to be great partners in living my life.
While healing I have realized that yes, I laid the first brick many many many years ago as a protection of my personality of who God made me. I would describe myself as being a bit off and I enjoy walking to the beat of my own drummer. A long time ago when people in my life began to protest or "make-fun" of my interpretations of this world I laid the first brick because I wanted to protect what I truly believed was a gift from God, that my internal belief system is different. Unfortunately, overtime what was supposed to be a protection to allow me to fully express who I was became a block for me to hide and deflect from those around me, loosing myself behind this wall.
I am working (slowly) to remove each brick that I laid, for whatever reason, to this wall so that I will be able to fully know the incredible child which God created in His/Her image!
I am loved and I am lovable
A perfectly tarnished child of God
To be honest with myself and each of you I have very little memory of what even occurred this past year. I was completely numb in fact I really could only feel the physical effects of my depression in the form of my skin hurting when people tried to reach out and comfort me through touch or feeling ill, tired, and heavy everyday. However, even with these physical responses I was either too terrified or too overwhelmed to allow myself to feel any deep emotion. I convinced myself that if I stayed in this numb space I would be able to have some control over what was happening, but in reality I had lost all control and in the meantime had lost all understanding of what was happening to me that an entire year passed with out me even realizing.
Around December as Christmas began to become even more present I started to come out of my "fog" and I sought help for what was happening. In a brief moment of clarity which I can only give to God's grace I realized that I had slipped into a deep dark hole and if I didn't take a step forward I would potentially continue to fall deeper into the abyss of what was my inner self; my numbness; my protective walled off box.
I entitled this post realizing when I laid my first brick on my "safety" wall because at 31 I realized that even before my depression I had created this incredibly high and thick wall that surrounded my inner most feelings. Not only did it not let me feel completely, but it purposefully kept me distant from others. At first glance I would tell you that my wall was a protection and I was proud of it. It, according to my own self, kept me grounded so that I could navigate life more precisely and realistically. However, as I hit my rock bottom I realized that the wall was a coping mechanism which allowed me to deflect and run away from anything which was real in regards to my feelings.
I didn't know how to laugh and love with everything in my soul nor did I know how to grieve and feel sad with all the emotions and feelings which were warranted in a particular moment. Something in me told me that if I ever allowed myself to go to these "high" and/or "low" points of emotion I would loose control and not be able to return... return from what, I don't know, but my wall had internally convinced me that it was there for my protection and together we (myself and the wall) were going to be great partners in living my life.
While healing I have realized that yes, I laid the first brick many many many years ago as a protection of my personality of who God made me. I would describe myself as being a bit off and I enjoy walking to the beat of my own drummer. A long time ago when people in my life began to protest or "make-fun" of my interpretations of this world I laid the first brick because I wanted to protect what I truly believed was a gift from God, that my internal belief system is different. Unfortunately, overtime what was supposed to be a protection to allow me to fully express who I was became a block for me to hide and deflect from those around me, loosing myself behind this wall.
I am working (slowly) to remove each brick that I laid, for whatever reason, to this wall so that I will be able to fully know the incredible child which God created in His/Her image!
I am loved and I am lovable
A perfectly tarnished child of God
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Reflections
Today I sit with my dad at Northwestern Memorial hospital in Chicago as my mom has surgery. Its an interesting place for me as I know that this hospital is one of the best in the world and my mother is in really good hands, yet this is the same hospital where for a year Andrew and I came with so much hope and anticipation.
It has been about a year and half since our last attempt at IVF. I am trying to heal still and admit that the wound is possibly deeper now then when I was first told of our infertility issues. I guess its because reality has begun to settle in that Andrew and I may not have children naturally. Additionally, the reality of adoption seems so far off right now for us as well. I feel betrayed by my body, my emotions, societal expectations, anticipations, and the dream of having a family.
I will admit that since being laid off back in December of 2010 I have been emotionally stunted and have tried to cover up everything that I am feeling. I have tried to invest in other people and ignore all of the things which I should be healing in myself.
I have searched for a job to no avail, but I think a lot of that has to do with the lack of confidence that I have in myself. I didn't realize that getting laid off and not being able to have a baby would take such an extreme toll on my body and emotional well being. I specifically didn't realize that it would drain me of my confidence and strength to be a productive member of society.
On the outside I look like I have defeated the black hole, but on the inside I am stuck in its perpetual circular motion. I don't know who I am, I don't know what I want, and I lack the confidence to be proud in what I have done and the strength to be able to do more and/or move forward.
I want to be significant, not in a narcissistic way, but knowing that I have in some way changed the world around me for the better. I don't want to loose the naivety that I could truly still make a difference in this world, my community, my city, and a life.
Where is my voice...
Or is my voice in something else,
I know my voice is the combination of all aspects and one day I will find how to merge it all... Until then I will continue to fight to get out of my perpetual black hole and find my voice...
A perfectly tarnished child of God :)
It has been about a year and half since our last attempt at IVF. I am trying to heal still and admit that the wound is possibly deeper now then when I was first told of our infertility issues. I guess its because reality has begun to settle in that Andrew and I may not have children naturally. Additionally, the reality of adoption seems so far off right now for us as well. I feel betrayed by my body, my emotions, societal expectations, anticipations, and the dream of having a family.
I will admit that since being laid off back in December of 2010 I have been emotionally stunted and have tried to cover up everything that I am feeling. I have tried to invest in other people and ignore all of the things which I should be healing in myself.
I have searched for a job to no avail, but I think a lot of that has to do with the lack of confidence that I have in myself. I didn't realize that getting laid off and not being able to have a baby would take such an extreme toll on my body and emotional well being. I specifically didn't realize that it would drain me of my confidence and strength to be a productive member of society.
On the outside I look like I have defeated the black hole, but on the inside I am stuck in its perpetual circular motion. I don't know who I am, I don't know what I want, and I lack the confidence to be proud in what I have done and the strength to be able to do more and/or move forward.
I want to be significant, not in a narcissistic way, but knowing that I have in some way changed the world around me for the better. I don't want to loose the naivety that I could truly still make a difference in this world, my community, my city, and a life.
Where is my voice...
- Is it in my travels, I have lived around the world, and completed global projects
- Is it in my education, I have two masters degrees, two graduate certificates, and two undergrad degree majors (yeah its a bit overkill)
- Is it in my professional experiences, I have been the director of international relations, the manager of training and employee relations, the managing director of operations, and currently the director of operations for The Marin Foundation...
Or is my voice in something else,
- The pain of infertility, the loss of not being able to have children (at least currently - I still believe and am faithful to God who does miracles)
- Being a female who is fighting for reconciliation and recognition of women in the church
- Challenging the seemingly one demension that is fed by our media and society to our young girls and boys as to what and who women are
- A wife who is trying to learn to be a solid partner and work alongside her husband to show what it means to love authentically as we have been asked to do
- A friend who is willing to step outside of her comfort zone in order to be uncomfortable and live in the tension
- A person who loves her neighbor and those perceived to be the "enemy" with unconditional love and devotion. To be a living representation of what it means to love with out expectation or outcome. To truly believe in a relationship that goes the journey and dignify all stories.
I know my voice is the combination of all aspects and one day I will find how to merge it all... Until then I will continue to fight to get out of my perpetual black hole and find my voice...
A perfectly tarnished child of God :)
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Can we finally be over the Kardashians
Okay I know this post is random, but in light of the recent Kardashian divorce taking over all news outlets I wanted to express some thoughts...
First, what is the fascination with this family:
I think it comes down to a desire for those of us in the general population to simply want to find an outlet for the realities of our own lives. I will admit that I bought into the consumption only family, The Kardashians, in their first season on E!. I enjoyed it and it was an escape to watch this dysfunctional family live in all of their opulence. However, by the second season, I personally had become quite board and disheartened when I realized they really did simply consume consume consume and you never saw any of them give back this great wealth which was pretty much given to them be adoring fans of the general population. I felt a bit stupid that I even gave them one season as I realized they bring absolutely no value other then to help boost the economy with regards to their spending habits. They have accomplished very little other then being Hollywood royalty with fame based on their looks alone and a sex tape with a some-what famous person. I guess Bruce Jenner and their late father are the ones which introduced the Kardashians to famous people, but why they actually are famous I think a lot of people are now wondering.
All that to say I understand their draw for most people. You can watch this family who gets everything they want in the world, who don't have to make sacrifices or care about tomorrow. They are completely selfish. But that was a release for most of us. A dream of what if that was us. What if we were like the Kardashians. That is why I think so many people liked their show. It frankly has very little to do with the characters involved, but more that it provided a fantasy for all of us to escape to.
Second, point of contention in my random post, can we as a public claim to be betrayed by Kim's "wedding":
Personally, I think the entire thing was a sham. Perhaps there were some feelings, but if I were a betting person I would say that the main reason for the entire production was simply that a production, which netted a lot of people quite a lot of money and publicity. I do believe the Kardashian family made a quite a bit of money off the two huge special episodes which aired Kim's "wedding." But can we as a public claim to feel betrayed. I guess it comes down to two thoughts. If their fame and fortune has been tied to the generosity of the public then perhaps the public owns a part of these "reality" stars and therefore the public should be given an apology and they have been betrayed, but if we as the public are dumb enough to continue to support these people then perhaps they can continue to spew out crap as long as someone is willing to watch and therefore they owe the public nothing.
Third point: Yes, I do think this pathetic wedding/marriage is a slap to marriage traditionalists:
In the heat of the marriage debate the continuation of heterosexuals screwing it up big time definitely takes away some of the "thunder" and "ammunition" used to deter the general public from supporting gay marriage. If some Christians (which the Kardashians at lease claim to be spiritual and pray) are fighting so hard to stop gay marriage then why are they not setting an incredible example of what "marriage" is supposed to look like. Why is divorce in the church at the same rate as in the general public? Why is adultery common within the church walls yet a blind eye is always turned? What do you think hurts children more the destruction of their parents marriage in divorce and the betrayal of adultery or the marriage between two consenting adults?
Just my thoughts...
A perfectly tarnished child of God
First, what is the fascination with this family:
I think it comes down to a desire for those of us in the general population to simply want to find an outlet for the realities of our own lives. I will admit that I bought into the consumption only family, The Kardashians, in their first season on E!. I enjoyed it and it was an escape to watch this dysfunctional family live in all of their opulence. However, by the second season, I personally had become quite board and disheartened when I realized they really did simply consume consume consume and you never saw any of them give back this great wealth which was pretty much given to them be adoring fans of the general population. I felt a bit stupid that I even gave them one season as I realized they bring absolutely no value other then to help boost the economy with regards to their spending habits. They have accomplished very little other then being Hollywood royalty with fame based on their looks alone and a sex tape with a some-what famous person. I guess Bruce Jenner and their late father are the ones which introduced the Kardashians to famous people, but why they actually are famous I think a lot of people are now wondering.
All that to say I understand their draw for most people. You can watch this family who gets everything they want in the world, who don't have to make sacrifices or care about tomorrow. They are completely selfish. But that was a release for most of us. A dream of what if that was us. What if we were like the Kardashians. That is why I think so many people liked their show. It frankly has very little to do with the characters involved, but more that it provided a fantasy for all of us to escape to.
Second, point of contention in my random post, can we as a public claim to be betrayed by Kim's "wedding":
Personally, I think the entire thing was a sham. Perhaps there were some feelings, but if I were a betting person I would say that the main reason for the entire production was simply that a production, which netted a lot of people quite a lot of money and publicity. I do believe the Kardashian family made a quite a bit of money off the two huge special episodes which aired Kim's "wedding." But can we as a public claim to feel betrayed. I guess it comes down to two thoughts. If their fame and fortune has been tied to the generosity of the public then perhaps the public owns a part of these "reality" stars and therefore the public should be given an apology and they have been betrayed, but if we as the public are dumb enough to continue to support these people then perhaps they can continue to spew out crap as long as someone is willing to watch and therefore they owe the public nothing.
Third point: Yes, I do think this pathetic wedding/marriage is a slap to marriage traditionalists:
In the heat of the marriage debate the continuation of heterosexuals screwing it up big time definitely takes away some of the "thunder" and "ammunition" used to deter the general public from supporting gay marriage. If some Christians (which the Kardashians at lease claim to be spiritual and pray) are fighting so hard to stop gay marriage then why are they not setting an incredible example of what "marriage" is supposed to look like. Why is divorce in the church at the same rate as in the general public? Why is adultery common within the church walls yet a blind eye is always turned? What do you think hurts children more the destruction of their parents marriage in divorce and the betrayal of adultery or the marriage between two consenting adults?
Just my thoughts...
A perfectly tarnished child of God
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
I am unapologeticly a follower of Jesus
Lately, I have had some people question my faith and devotion to Jesus. So I am making a very public statement about unapologeticly loving and following Jesus... There question no more...
But then I began to wonder why was this question even being raised. Was I not portraying a life reflective of Jesus? Was I not living a life which was so counter-cultural to today's norm that others notice a difference?
So I asked some of my "so-called" accusers and most of their responses had something to do with a specific denomination or in my case the lack of an affiliation with a specific denomination. Other responses had to do with my more progressive views on women and their ability to lead within the church and Christian faith...
So in this short but sweet post I want to say that no I am not a pretty package all tied up neatly with a perfect bow. I do like to rock the boat, go against the grain, and push boundaries. I want to live a life that is different, authentic and transparent. I want people to see Jesus in me in everything that I do... even as a woman :)
So no I am not officially affiliated with any denomination nor do I choose to be. I was raised evangelical and I do appreciate the vulnerability and rawness of emotion they have when praising Jesus, but I don't know if I am fully "evangelical" anymore...
I guess all I am saying is that I love Jesus. I want to follow the example which has been set out for me to follow. I know I will fail. I know I have many short comings which will get in the way of my journey to be like Jesus, but I will not be defined by a denominations legalistic rules and regulations and I most certainly will rise above whatever traditional roles you believe as a female Christian I am supposed to play...
Love,
A perfectly tarnished child of God
But then I began to wonder why was this question even being raised. Was I not portraying a life reflective of Jesus? Was I not living a life which was so counter-cultural to today's norm that others notice a difference?
So I asked some of my "so-called" accusers and most of their responses had something to do with a specific denomination or in my case the lack of an affiliation with a specific denomination. Other responses had to do with my more progressive views on women and their ability to lead within the church and Christian faith...
So in this short but sweet post I want to say that no I am not a pretty package all tied up neatly with a perfect bow. I do like to rock the boat, go against the grain, and push boundaries. I want to live a life that is different, authentic and transparent. I want people to see Jesus in me in everything that I do... even as a woman :)
So no I am not officially affiliated with any denomination nor do I choose to be. I was raised evangelical and I do appreciate the vulnerability and rawness of emotion they have when praising Jesus, but I don't know if I am fully "evangelical" anymore...
I guess all I am saying is that I love Jesus. I want to follow the example which has been set out for me to follow. I know I will fail. I know I have many short comings which will get in the way of my journey to be like Jesus, but I will not be defined by a denominations legalistic rules and regulations and I most certainly will rise above whatever traditional roles you believe as a female Christian I am supposed to play...
Love,
A perfectly tarnished child of God
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Interesting Article in Today's Online Chicago Tribune - About Infertility
www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists/chi-trice-dupe-110810-column,0,619925.column
chicagotribune.com
For infertile couples, help and support
During trying times, hopefuls will hear success stories and talk to clinics and doctors at conference
Dawn Turner Trice
August 10, 2011
Katie Davis, 24, lost her ovaries to cancer when she was 12. Doctors told her that if she wanted to have a baby one day, she would have to use donor eggs and undergo in vitro fertilization. She has been trying to have a baby since September 2010, but so far no luck.
Davis said infertile women sometimes feel like members of a "silent sorority."
"Women are quiet about infertility because they're so ashamed," said Davis, of Bolingbrook. "If you want to have children and you can't do that, you may feel your womanhood has been taken away."
On Saturday, Davis and her husband will share their story at a free conference on infertility and adoption, called A Family of My Own, in Glenview.
Conference organizers say the event will be an opportunity for people to learn from a variety of experts who run in vitro fertilization centers, surrogacy programs and adoption agencies; who teach couples how to raise money for the costly procedures; and who explain how scientific advances are enhancing a couple's ability to conceive.
For more information on the conference and to register, go to afamilyofmyown.com.
Dr. Angeline Beltsos, a reproductive endocrinologist and infertility specialist, is medical director of the Chicago-based Fertility Centers of Illinois. She said that couples navigating infertility need a strong support network because the process is often taxing physically and emotionally.
"When they're going through treatment, they have to come in for ultrasounds, blood tests and even surgery," said Beltsos, who will be speaking at the conference. "They have busy lives. But what tries them the most is the anguish when all their work doesn't produce a baby.
"When they find a safe place to share their stories, it gives people hope that (they can have a baby) one way or another. We can help them."
But help is often quite expensive. Beltsos said a round of in vitro fertilization, or IVF, costs about $15,000 to $17,000 without use of donor eggs; surrogacy can range from $50,000 to $100,000; and, adoption starts near $40,000.
In Illinois, companies that have at least 25 employees and provide insurance that covers pregnancy-related benefits must also cover all or some fertility treatments. Although there are exemptions, the state is one of the few in the country to require companies to do so.
But costs related to surrogacy remain a large hurdle for some parents-to-be.
Katie O'Brien, 32, of Wadsworth, learned she had uterine fibroids in August 2005. Doctors told her that conceiving a child would be difficult, despite five surgeries to help correct the problem. She and her husband tried to conceive via IVF for two years before deciding to use a surrogate.
"When we found out how expensive surrogacy was, I cried the whole way home," said O'Brien, a patient at Fertility Centers of Illinois. "If you don't have insurance, you can find grants to help you pay for fertility treatment or adoption. But we couldn't find anything for surrogacy. A lot of costs related to surrogacy are similar to adoption."
She said she came across the Facebook page of the nonprofit Birdies for Babies, an annual golf outing that allows couples to raise money to pay for infertility treatments. With the help of family and friends, O'Brien, an elementary school teacher, and her husband, an accountant, raised $30,000 toward their costs of roughly $60,000.
"We found a surrogate whose insurance should cover the pregnancy," said O'Brien, whose blog is at prayingforbabyobrien.blogspot.com. "That's keeping us on the low end of the price range. We'll pay for the rest with savings and help from family and begin trying in September."
One of the conference sponsors is the Broken Brown Egg (thebrokenbrownegg.org), a nonprofit started by Regina Townsend, 29, an Oak Park resident, who aims to destigmatize infertility in the black community.
Townsend, who is black, said that when she and her husband were having difficulty getting pregnant, she found very few resources directed toward women of color.
"When we talk about reproductive health and black women, it's always about contraception and prevention, abortion and (sexually transmitted diseases)," said Townsend. "It's always everything before fertility."
She said there's a misconception that blacks don't have problems conceiving, don't adopt and can't afford the treatments.
"Until I started talking about infertility, I couldn't find one member of even my own family who would admit this was something our family has dealt with before," Townsend said. "You want to feel you're not alone, but you want information. You want to be proactive."
Beltsos said conferences such as A Family of My Own help make couples aware of what's available to them. That includes the breakthroughs in the science of fertility treatments.
For example, the advances in the technology for freezing eggs have taken off dramatically over the last decade thanks in part to work done in Italy, Japan and Korea. She said such advancements have had a profound effect on women diagnosed with cancer.
"We will pull eggs out and have them preserved for when the woman's done with chemo," Beltsos said. "Women can come back once they're cured from cancer and use their own biological eggs. No one would question that the most important thing is saving her life, but afterward it shifts the focus from surviving cancer to living one's life."
Davis said that when she was diagnosed with cancer at 12, her cancer was too aggressive to consider taking time to save her eggs.
"From the beginning, I knew I would have to go the IVF route," said Davis. "There's no guarantee it's going to work. We ran out of eggs the first time and now we're starting back at square one."
Davis, who also had a fundraiser through Birdies for Babies, said she believes it's important to share her story. She said a woman her husband knew in high school read about their ordeal on her blog (at katieandpatsivfjourney.blogspot.com) and offered to donate her eggs.
"It's amazing that things like this happen," said Davis. "At first, we were both not sure whether we should talk about (the infertility). But just by being so open with our story and speaking at events, we believe we're also helping others.
"I've been in remission for 11 years. I'm cancer-free. The last thing is this, and once I have a baby, I'll know cancer didn't take anything away from me."
dtrice@tribune.com
Copyright © 2011, Chicago Tribune
chicagotribune.com
For infertile couples, help and support
During trying times, hopefuls will hear success stories and talk to clinics and doctors at conference
Dawn Turner Trice
August 10, 2011
Katie Davis, 24, lost her ovaries to cancer when she was 12. Doctors told her that if she wanted to have a baby one day, she would have to use donor eggs and undergo in vitro fertilization. She has been trying to have a baby since September 2010, but so far no luck.
Davis said infertile women sometimes feel like members of a "silent sorority."
"Women are quiet about infertility because they're so ashamed," said Davis, of Bolingbrook. "If you want to have children and you can't do that, you may feel your womanhood has been taken away."
On Saturday, Davis and her husband will share their story at a free conference on infertility and adoption, called A Family of My Own, in Glenview.
Conference organizers say the event will be an opportunity for people to learn from a variety of experts who run in vitro fertilization centers, surrogacy programs and adoption agencies; who teach couples how to raise money for the costly procedures; and who explain how scientific advances are enhancing a couple's ability to conceive.
For more information on the conference and to register, go to afamilyofmyown.com.
Dr. Angeline Beltsos, a reproductive endocrinologist and infertility specialist, is medical director of the Chicago-based Fertility Centers of Illinois. She said that couples navigating infertility need a strong support network because the process is often taxing physically and emotionally.
"When they're going through treatment, they have to come in for ultrasounds, blood tests and even surgery," said Beltsos, who will be speaking at the conference. "They have busy lives. But what tries them the most is the anguish when all their work doesn't produce a baby.
"When they find a safe place to share their stories, it gives people hope that (they can have a baby) one way or another. We can help them."
But help is often quite expensive. Beltsos said a round of in vitro fertilization, or IVF, costs about $15,000 to $17,000 without use of donor eggs; surrogacy can range from $50,000 to $100,000; and, adoption starts near $40,000.
In Illinois, companies that have at least 25 employees and provide insurance that covers pregnancy-related benefits must also cover all or some fertility treatments. Although there are exemptions, the state is one of the few in the country to require companies to do so.
But costs related to surrogacy remain a large hurdle for some parents-to-be.
Katie O'Brien, 32, of Wadsworth, learned she had uterine fibroids in August 2005. Doctors told her that conceiving a child would be difficult, despite five surgeries to help correct the problem. She and her husband tried to conceive via IVF for two years before deciding to use a surrogate.
"When we found out how expensive surrogacy was, I cried the whole way home," said O'Brien, a patient at Fertility Centers of Illinois. "If you don't have insurance, you can find grants to help you pay for fertility treatment or adoption. But we couldn't find anything for surrogacy. A lot of costs related to surrogacy are similar to adoption."
She said she came across the Facebook page of the nonprofit Birdies for Babies, an annual golf outing that allows couples to raise money to pay for infertility treatments. With the help of family and friends, O'Brien, an elementary school teacher, and her husband, an accountant, raised $30,000 toward their costs of roughly $60,000.
"We found a surrogate whose insurance should cover the pregnancy," said O'Brien, whose blog is at prayingforbabyobrien.blogspot.com. "That's keeping us on the low end of the price range. We'll pay for the rest with savings and help from family and begin trying in September."
One of the conference sponsors is the Broken Brown Egg (thebrokenbrownegg.org), a nonprofit started by Regina Townsend, 29, an Oak Park resident, who aims to destigmatize infertility in the black community.
Townsend, who is black, said that when she and her husband were having difficulty getting pregnant, she found very few resources directed toward women of color.
"When we talk about reproductive health and black women, it's always about contraception and prevention, abortion and (sexually transmitted diseases)," said Townsend. "It's always everything before fertility."
She said there's a misconception that blacks don't have problems conceiving, don't adopt and can't afford the treatments.
"Until I started talking about infertility, I couldn't find one member of even my own family who would admit this was something our family has dealt with before," Townsend said. "You want to feel you're not alone, but you want information. You want to be proactive."
Beltsos said conferences such as A Family of My Own help make couples aware of what's available to them. That includes the breakthroughs in the science of fertility treatments.
For example, the advances in the technology for freezing eggs have taken off dramatically over the last decade thanks in part to work done in Italy, Japan and Korea. She said such advancements have had a profound effect on women diagnosed with cancer.
"We will pull eggs out and have them preserved for when the woman's done with chemo," Beltsos said. "Women can come back once they're cured from cancer and use their own biological eggs. No one would question that the most important thing is saving her life, but afterward it shifts the focus from surviving cancer to living one's life."
Davis said that when she was diagnosed with cancer at 12, her cancer was too aggressive to consider taking time to save her eggs.
"From the beginning, I knew I would have to go the IVF route," said Davis. "There's no guarantee it's going to work. We ran out of eggs the first time and now we're starting back at square one."
Davis, who also had a fundraiser through Birdies for Babies, said she believes it's important to share her story. She said a woman her husband knew in high school read about their ordeal on her blog (at katieandpatsivfjourney.blogspot.com) and offered to donate her eggs.
"It's amazing that things like this happen," said Davis. "At first, we were both not sure whether we should talk about (the infertility). But just by being so open with our story and speaking at events, we believe we're also helping others.
"I've been in remission for 11 years. I'm cancer-free. The last thing is this, and once I have a baby, I'll know cancer didn't take anything away from me."
dtrice@tribune.com
Copyright © 2011, Chicago Tribune
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)